Originally founded in January of 2012 this nomadic Krewe of gypsies has quite the unique history that predates each and everyone of them. Millions and millions of years ago our souls were united in an never-ending quest to travel the universe, discover alternative ways to live and partake in the liveliest of rituals which have taken many forms throughout history. As Cosmic Bill aka eXcEsS puts it, and I am paraphrasing here: “you see there are a bunch of these molecules bouncing all around the entire universe, and the like-minded molecules somehow find a way to reconvene to form unbreakable bonds, until the next powerful energy blasts them away only to be reunited many times again.”
So alas, the universe will bring these crazy nomadic gypsies back together again, seeking out the best Louisiana has to offer in the forms of victuals and libations, enjoying the festivities day and night for the next 6 days straight. All culminating to what will most likely be the fattest Tuesday I’ve ever celebrated, along with the anniversary of my birth.
May I present to you the Krewe of NuRViticus:
Meet Bill aka eXeCeSs, as his hasher friends so fondly call him. eXeCess is a part-time, undercover Luche Libre and part-time astrologer. When he’s not staring off into space he is kickin’ ass and has been known to enjoy a martini, tequila shot, margarita and scotch ale, or two, of each. His role in the Krewe is celestial navigator, without him all our souls would not possibly reunite.[hr]
Meet Debby aka Lycktonite, also a hasher and other half to eXeCesS’ meaningful existence. Debby is a burner and no stranger to doing it big and bringing it home, so we count on her for lots pink and orange fur, neon lighting and beads wrapped in places you wouldn’t believe. She’s got a costume for every day of the week and has even been known to break out the birthday suit.[hr]
Meet Jeanette– aka Just Jeanette aka Miss Pumps and a Bump. When she’s not busy back, back, backin’ it up she spends most of her time practicing her jumping and bead grabbing skills. Occasionally she puts up a finish line just to feel extra accomplished at scoopin’ up beads and beating herself in a race of one. She’s been known to wear many belts at a time carrying the most ultimate necessities such as KY jelly and LifeSavers candy. The KY gives her a competitive advantage and the LiveSavers are just for suckin. Beware if you are to cross Miss Pumps and a Bump while out and about in a city. She may jump right out of no where and snagbird you.[hr]
Meet Dennis – King of the Light Snagbirds. He has decided to one up everyone this year and instead of collecting beads he has an insatiable desire to collect as many Christmas lights as he can, with the ultimate goal to light up the world. His many other hobbies include: pissing up a rope, dumping the shitter and meticulously tightening each and everyone of the 862 screws on his beloved CheddarYeti. He is the other half to Miss Pumps and a Bump and has been known to wax that ass every now and again.[hr]
Meet Brian– aka one half-pint of The Roaming Pint. When Brian isn’t spending all his time looking clueless or staring into his iPhone he is busy scheming up the next big idea, like elastic on underpants. Why no one thought of this before him, is beyond me, but panty-droppers all across the nation exalt his undeniable greatness. Brian’s main role in the Krewe is keeping Maria out of trouble, which proves to be a full-time gig. If in fact, she does disappear over the weekend he has been practicing his surprised face, not to be confused with Blue Steel.[hr]
Meet Maria – the second half-pint to The Roaming Pint. Maria is most well-known for her proud italian heritage and force-feeding the masses. She is commonly found exuberantly talking with her hands and confronting anyone or thing that “just ain’t right”. Some may say she is an outlaw, but to her, chopping off fingers with cigar cutters is a part of her blood, something some may say, she was born to do. When she’s not busy converting people to discover more craft beer she is meticulously researching TRP’s next steps and plotting the course. Her role in the Krewe is to commonly drop phrases such as: “Hey I’m walkin’ here” and “forgetaboutit”.
This birthday girl will no doubt feel a sense of self-entitlement to anything she wishes and desires over the weekend.[hr]